I do….I confess I do. As I write this I am looking at a shelf that I put in the study for ‘things I am listening to’. It is full, double stacked and overflowing. Downstairs is a large CD rack that accommodates an unreasonable amount of music. That too is overflowing….

A couple of weeks ago we stayed with a friend. She told me that her daughter’s partner had a CD out. I’d met this bloke a couple of times and he had an interest and knowledge of music that made me think I knew nothing. He was also more impassioned and as blinkered as the record shop guy in ‘High Fidelity’.

I never knew he was a musician. So I googled his name and found out that he was well known in the Manchester music scene. He is also on ’spotify’ So I bought his CD (Danny Saul: ‘Harsh. Final’).

It is unique- thought I could hear traces of Sigur Ros in it (well it is produced in Iceland- the country, not the shop….I am truly Britain’s funniest man…)….but it is languorous- in a good way and full of space. I could never imagine it live, but I could imagine listening to it lying down, looking at the sky at 2am on a summer night.

Bliss…music to spend time with, that doesn’t give up it’s secrets on first listen…

Review at    http://boomkat.com/cds/233677-danny-saul-harsh-final apparently his producer has produced Bjork and Bonnie Prince Billy.

The Welcome Wagon ‘Deep were his wounds and red’

Bruce Springsteen ‘Reason to Believe’

The Prodigy ‘Invaders must die’

…all played next to each other on random shuffle. So, so wrong and yet at the same time so right. My whole life randomised and put back together in dissonant sections and yet seeming to ‘work’.

At the weekend, our group of churches (in Methodism we call it ‘a circuit’) were looking at Genesis 17:1-8 and the story of Abram/Abraham. As I get older I find his story incredibly life affirming. His story is riddled with inconsistencies- you get everything ‘warts and all’ (I am sorry- I am not a great writer- I use cliches).

His story is a long way from the hagiographies of my early Christian experience: come to God, be saved, onwards and upwards and get rid of all worldly things. Being weak, I learned to pretend/cover up my inconsistencies and dissonances. I suspect others did too: that bit is holy and that is not- therefore I will hide it: lets sing another bouncy song about God making me h-a-p-p-y. Eventually the screaming inside got too much and I stopped pretending….but traces are still there.

I’m grateful to Abram/Abraham for waking me up to reality and not some imagined holiness. I’m grateful to my ipod too for hiding nothing and putting the dissonant together: sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but that I guess is the story of my life…

When the crumbs fall from the table in a community like the one I live in, they are pretty big crumbs….

A long Friday ‘teatime’ in the pub and we were talking over a range of issues from the blokishly banal (just don’t ask) to deep stuff. Two mates were pressing me over shapes of future church and what was my lifetime direction/goal (straight up- one of the most valuable conversations I have had for a long time and neither would I guess own up to the label ‘Christian’)….. and an on/off discussion about technology.

Often these conversations centre around cars. I have no interest in cars so when they talk about a ‘Ferrarri Testosterone’ or whatever, I amuse myself by saying archly ‘is that a car?’ This time it was around i-pods.

My son wants me to have an MP3 player- I see no need. I like to be able to hold my music and I don’t like this tendency to go for ‘best ofs’ or highlights of a particular artist: I want to be able to hear music in its entirety. I don’t like this tendency to be sold more and more gadgets that we ‘need’- life becomes more individualistic and you are less likely to help the poor as there are more things you ‘need’ etc etc.

I was holding forth on this in a witty and urbane manner ‘you are my bessht friend you are…why I wanna eyepad…hic’ (hmm….. Christian readers of a particular bent may note that I sometimes use ‘irony’ here. Look it up in your dictionary before you burn it…… see- more irony….).

The next day one of these friends came round with an old i pod- 4GB and I burned it….

…actually I didn’t. I fell in love with it. And I’ve filled it- it only took 460 tracks. Not enough. Bright shiny thing make it all better.

…And I want a bigger one. This is how it begins….. radical holiness corrupted by western materialism….. shiny, nice materialism. Oooh want want want. Nothing that beautiful can ever be evil…….

(The cast for ’Reservoir Dogs: the musical’ is finally announced)

A few days ago I recieved a voting form for the Labour leadership contest.

I had no idea I was entitled to vote, but then I realised that I was part of an affiliated trade union (an ordained minister in a trade union? It’s a long story. Let’s just say that the church is like the little girl with the little curl: when she is good she is very very good and when she is bad she is horrid- sometimes IMHO she has been horrid). I am deeply attached to the idea of voting: I ’should’ vote (and I’m wary of that word and people who use it).

But who do I vote for? Before I was aware that I could vote, I just saw it as 4 men in suits and a token woman. I’m not looking for a managerial leader but someone who seems to have principles….who accords with why I tend to vote Labour- someone who will see the hungry fed and the humble lifted high…. and I am so not sure.

I’m not sure who does that most…I’m tending towards Ed Milliband…help me out..

(I did think of showing a picture of me in shorts, although I thought the www was not quite ready for that)

Whatever the weather, in summer I always wear shorts.

Sometimes it is an act of defiance: ‘It is summer and I will wear shorts’, since British summer weather can involve torrential rain, damp, occasional snow, howling wind and…why what’s that pale yellow thing in the sky…..why it is sun…

Shorts are a reminder that it is holiday time, even when I am working:- July and August always feel ’slow’. And now it is September: a Methodist year begins in September (this is strange, however even after 23 years out of full time education, September does feel like the beginning of a new year). This means the sheer bliss of endless meetings and nights out at meetings.

Unfortunately the shorts have to come off (and being in North Yorkshire, if they don’t, hypothermia can follow) and I have to look ‘tidy’. As I get older, I like this time less and less.

Maybe eventually I will have the courage to keep them on: so that even when I am working it will mark an abject refusal to look or seem ‘busy’. I abhor it when people project an image of ‘busyness’- it tires me out. Perhaps it would do me good this week when I am supposed to be preparing (amongst other things) something on Matthew 6:25-34 which seems to be about seeking Godstuff and not stressing- I might even project what I preach.

Maybe…..although clerical shirts look naff with shorts….maybe one day..

Why are we here?

We are not here to “do a bunk” from the world.
We are not here to “get in touch with our ‘inner selves’”.
We are not here to “recharge our batteries”.
And God help us if we are here to “make a deal” with God:
“Lord, if you do this for me, then I’ll do that for you.”

Why are we here?

We are here because the world is not right,
because we are not right,
and because we are angry about injustice,
sad about suffering,
and ashamed of ourselves.

Why are we here?

We are here because God so loves the world
that he is making it right,
turning it into a new creation;
and because God so loves us
that he is making us right.
turning us into a new people,
making us like Jesus:
faithful, truthful, peaceful, hopeful.
Paul writes: “For those who are in Christ, the whole universe is new”
(II Corinthians 5:17).

We are here because God, in his grace, has called us here.
What else could we do but come?
With gratitude and joy, in the Holy Spirit, let us worship God!

(HT:http://theconnexion.net/wp/?p=8293)

 We only lived there for 5 years, but the place has a ‘pull’ on us that we can never quite shake. We still have a network of friends – good friends- there: many outside faith or with a paradoxical relationship with faith/church (this seems to be a pattern to my friendships/where the ministry that I am given finds focus).

My imagined/actual perfect place in this world is Rhos on Sea front, on a sunny day and includes a chocachino at Nino’s cafe and cricket between first class teams played at the cricket ground (which happened on Monday just gone).

If we had a large amount of money we would buy a place there and I’d love to find a job around there one day…..dreams…dreams…. longings………..for me a perfect place.

I don’t spend all my time and income buying music; maybe around 91% of it, but that is all.

So I’m in North Wales, and the good friend we are staying with has managed to entice my two children into buying the ingredients for a meal and then cooking a meal. If I had suggested this, I would have got no response or ‘boring’ if I was lucky.

We set out together with no real plan apart from walking on the coast. We stop at a car boot sale and some fine upstanding yeoman seller is selling a stack of sealed CD’s- I snaffle up the above (2cd and dvd edition) and the last David Gray for five of your english pounds.

And you know what; when I get around to listening to it (often on my own- my wife thinks that the children are better served by listening to story cds and banal kids’ songs) it is really rather good……knowing, louche almost (and that is the first time I have used that word), lyrically complex, well played, professional and ……..with a voice only a mother could love. I listened to it 2 nights ago when cleaning the oven (and being 44, that is as good as it gets).

And when a 9 year old says ‘Dad can I listen to Bob Dylan when I go to bed?’ I want to say ‘My work here is done’.

‘All I have and all I know

Is this dream of you which keeps me living on’

This holiday has bought manyconnections with lots of friends. I’m really grateful about that. Much as I bang on about desiring some stability in income or settled accomodation what really gives me energy is connections and good friendships. I’ve made many over this holiday time (notably http://thisfragiletent.wordpress.com/) and I’ve reconnected/deepened others.

A few days ago I was lucky enough to meet up with http://dyfedwynroberts.org.uk/ after 6 years. Dyfed and I share a history in Colwyn Bay. For a while we led CYTUN (churches together); one of the few times where I have experienced ecumenism in a life changing way which wasn’t about sharing boredom but encountering God and serving (and if that sounds cynical, it is. Sorry- I’m not perfect).

I led one of the Methodist Churches in the town and Dyfed led a….well I don’t know how to describe it…. charistmatic/pentecostal fellowship , perhaps. Whatever- it didn’t matter- we got on and differing traditions complemented each other rather than dividing.

We encountered various things in our own lives and ended up over 200 miles apart. Then, through blogging and fb, we re-established contact over a year ago.

We met face to face for an all too brief coffee (a combination of (a) being in different coffee shops with italian names- but, hey, that is what being postevangelical and loose with the truth means and (b) a wife who always arrives early). I found so much connection and so much in common with where we were both at:- a yearning of ‘there is more’, a sense of the mission of God/serving being the key thing right now and not ‘getting ready for mission’ (cos we never are) and a disillusionment with the wedding of evangelicalism with the Enlightenment. We didn’t just use big words- we laughed and ‘talked normal’ as well.

Thanks Dyfed- I treasure times like that and the feeling that I am not alone or strange (or if I am the latter, then others are as well)….

Hwyl fawr a pob bendith (I think I got that right…)

If you saw ‘Slumdog Millionaire’, you will have seen that one of the final questions in that great film was to name the highest first class run scorer. I managed it within micro seconds. The answer was of course, Sir Jack Hobbs; or as the cricket aficionados will know ‘Sir John Berry Hobbs’.

Cricket indulges my anally retentive tendency to memorise facts and figures. So I can generally recall his number of runs: 61,237. By an amazing level of coincidence, the number of hits on this blog should pass that level; hence today is Jack Hobbs day on this blog (no apostrophe intended).

When I first got into cricket I can remember being hooked by his story. A simple life, well lived with none of the excesses associated with other major sporting stars. Regardless of what you might think of the phrase ‘It’s not cricket’, cricket has from it’s inception, been dominated by double dealing, corruption and larger than life personalities who have bent (polite way for saying ‘broken without disregard’) the rules.

I remember his number of first class centuries, 197, over half made after the age of 40. This used to be an encouragement to me: one day your day will come. Now, at the age of 44 with a highest umpired score of 13 not out (albeit, strangely for me, including 3 boundaries) I’m not so sure. As a callow youth of around 19, with a stomach full of beer and chips wandering all over Parker’s Piece in Cambridge, I can still remember the excitement (but not the hangover) of discovering that Jack Hobbs had learned his trade on that very turf.

I latterly discovered that he was a Christian. He was no plaster saint and neither was his life marked by having a seperate box labelled ’spirituality’. Rather it seemed to suffuse his life, the way he did his job and treated others. Perhaps in another age you might have said that you couldn’t have told where faith ended and Jack Hobbs started.

I like people like that. So have a blessed and happy Jack Hobbs day. I know I will.

(see for example http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport/hi/english/static/in_depth/cricket/2001/ashes/legends/default.stm or http://www.cricinfo.com/ci/content/player/14225.html although this disagrees with Wisden on his final tally. In cricket, disagreeing with Wisden is like disagreeing with the Bible)